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DECLASSIFIED CIVILIAN RELIEF

Guaranteed Success Certificate

FORM CODE: FORM-CERT-012 · CLASSIFICATION: Certificates of Questionable Fortune

STATUTORY BENEFIT SPECIFICATION:

"Guarantees success in all endeavors that succeed."

AUTHENTICATED FORTUNE COOKIE SLIP:

"If you do not fail, this certificate is 100% accurate."

LUCKY NUMBERS: 100 · 100 · 100 · 100 · 100
CLERK #404 ADMINISTRATIVE REMARK:

"Our actuarial department loves this certificate. Zero payouts since 1982."

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DEPARTMENT OF UNFORTUNATE AFFAIRS · BAD LUCK DEPOSIT CENTER
Operating under Statutory Authority of Directive 1927 / Revised 2003 · Fictional Bureaucracy.